“Having your mom be the third wheel on your date is just as awkward as it sounds.”

"At that point, my buddy's wife was beet-red and just stammered out, 'Oh... no. I'm sorry, I don't think so.' Without missing a beat, the older lady was like, 'Well, I heard you mention you two are married,' then she gestured to my colleague and me, and said, 'and those two are clearly together, so I figured all three of you were fair game.' My colleague and I are NOT romantically involved, but I couldn't help but feel like that was meant as a compliment. At that point, my friend's wife was completely frazzled and was like, 'Oh no....he's (me) married to the bartender.' The old fox lit up like, 'Oh shit, I'm getting the bartender too!' My colleague's wife stammered out a few more apologies to the older lady, who polished off her beer and cheerily said, 'Oh, no worries. Sometimes in this lifestyle ya gotta take risks! Have a good night!' Then she closed her tab and disappeared. The next morning, I woke up with a note in my phone that said, 'That older lady tried to fuck all three of us!' (As if I could ever forget). Later, my wife told me she and the other bartender heard every word and were laughing their asses off the entire time."

"I told him I didn't think we could do raw, but I'd tell the cooks to cook it as little as possible. After a couple more car bombs, I brought his steak out and went to grab utensils for him, but when I turned back around, he was standing there holding it in his fingerless gloves, eating it. Then he ordered our one-pound burger raw. When I brought it out, he took it off the bun and ate the patty with his fingers. At some point, we were talking, and finally I asked what he did for a living. 'I make internet porn with my girlfriend.' Well, okay. In the end, he had 12 car bombs and about a pound and a half of basically raw meat before leaving and, presumably, rode his motorcycle home to make art with his girlfriend."

"I am not the type of dude act like the man you're describing, but I hope that dude kept dancing on first dates until he found someone who danced right back."

Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.