Pro tip: Do not order 41 burgers during the lunch rush if you want to be considered a good person.

I'm a Senior Staff Writer based in New York City, where I've been covering classic BuzzFeed-style content since 2020.

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MUST treat me better than my parents. I have my way at home. Why would I be with you just to not have my way…..

I found out the hard way that some guys don’t know they’re supposed to pay for girlfriend maintenance…The way I look costs a LOT of money. Do not even attempt to talk to me if there’s a possibility you cannot afford me, I will NEVER let a man make me ugly and poor ever again.

Reciprocation of energy (I do not pursue unless I think you can’t take a hint, I like to be pursued)

Always courting me and keeping the relationship fun and alive, please me with actions not words

I work in beauty. Trust me. Let me teach you self-care. I am a control freak and like to pick out men’s outfits and haircuts to make them look their best. I’ve had to learn the hard way that it REALLY matters to other people what the person I date looks like. It matters so much that it affects my career. The last thing I want is you being subjected to cruelty because you chose to be with me. It will mess with your self image forever. I know what I like and I know what looks good on people. I want to be as attracted to you as possible, so TRUST ME!!!!!!!

If you start cheating on me after I give you a makeover I will fucking kill you

Uniqueness (MUST have interesting features or unique life circumstances, I don’t do normal or regular because I am not normal or regular. We won’t get along or understand each other if you’re basic.)

The ability to really hear and understand me when I’m talking about things that matter

I like to give orders. You need to be able to handle bossy. I’m the boss of my company after all.

COMPLIMENTS—If you like something about me or think I look good I need you to say it out loud to me. I get validation from thousands of strangers constantly, I definitely expect it from a partner.

Eat the food I make you if you want to be healthy and handsome, I was raised by a nutrition expert, I know what I’m doing.

Flowers and my favorite snacks when it’s time for my period (or else!!!! I don’t care if you have to DoorDash it to me)

My princess friend said her husband celebrates their marriage every month so I shouldn’t even so much as date anyone who doesn’t celebrate me monthly either

Shared locations so we can always check on each other

I’m not perfect and I’m not always nice. I have a temper. Don’t fuck with me.

If you let me love you I’ll change your life forever. This is NOT going to be easy. We have to really want to be together.