“I did it because I had no self-esteem, and I wanted him to care about me.”

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"Of course, he did not. He only saw his projected image of me, this perfect partner he needed to affirm his midlife crisis. He did not see how this imbalanced relationship, such as it was, put me at a disadvantage, how his gifts and flattery made me feel like a pawn in his game, or like I had a role to perform for him. I ended up writing a poem and letting him read it on the final night we went out together. It detailed how my feelings had shifted from acceptance to resentment, and he cried when he read it. We finished out our evening with the dynamic shifted.

I still have to see him every day at work, and we do not speak except on a very surface level. I still carry some of that resentment toward him for taking advantage of the power imbalance, and chastise myself for falling for it in the first place. He said he was going through a divorce with his wife, and I don't know if that was ever true or if it is still happening. I suppose it ended the best way that it could, with no lasting harm done and a lesson learned for me — never trust a flatterer, always trust yourself."

"Ultimately, I decided to date her because I was convinced I could be a better boyfriend than a convicted felon, and she would leave him and the other guys. She ended up dating me exclusively within a week, but continued to talk to the guy in prison for the following nine months we were together. He called her nearly every night, and they talked from anywhere between 15 minutes and two hours, often with me beside her because we hardly spent a night apart.

I loved her so much, but she stayed true to her word and chose to stay with him, and we broke up before we left for separate studies abroad. I ended up meeting him a few times when he showed up to the club meetings after we both got back, and I’m not sure anyone in the club knew the full story. She supposedly told him everything that happened while he was in prison, but I’d be surprised about that. They’re still together today, and I walk away with the thought that if they don’t get married, I’ll be pretty pissed off. Still, I learned where I was willing and unwilling to compromise in a relationship and, ultimately, that compassion is an easy thing to give even when things are hard. While the aftermath hurt like hell, I became stronger for it and have had an easier time opening up to the people I’ve loved since."

"One time at his place, we heard the door open. Obviously, I hadn't met his partner yet. And was under the impression that he was always traveling for work. My thoughts were, Well, this is going to either get really awkward or really great. Three is company (again, the gay world is different). The guy I'm with freaked out, though, and I then realized that something was wrong. I thought that maybe a relative of his dropped by or something... Like his mother popping in? You already know how this actually went down, but I was so naive until he started throwing clothes at me and telling me I needed to slip out the back as he distracted his partner.

What's fucked is that he had the nerve to reach out after. 1) To clarify and apologize. Cool, I accepted it, but 2) to see if I wanted to come over again.

I never texted back. His dick was good, but it wasn't 'that' good. Bye, bitch."

"I don't do that anymore, but I don't think it's because I've fixed my point of view. I was hooking up with a lot of shitty people and decided to stop that behavior, and came to realize that most folks who would cheat on a spouse are shitty people. I'm pretty jaded on relationships and people in general these days."

"I consider that honestly one of the worst things I've ever done. If I could take it back, I absolutely would. I ruined a loving relationship of four years because another totally separate relationship of mine fucked me up from the inside.

Heartbreak drives to rationalize the irrational. I have learned how utterly disgusting cheating is from both sides, and I will NEVER be a part of it again. With that, I will also never stay in a cheating relationship ever again."

"Well, after he told her, I learned some shit about her. She was a high school dropout traveling in Thailand for her 'spiritual journey' or whatever, and I started getting these messages like, 'Hahahahah don't fuck my boyfriend k.'

I was 20, going on 21. The relationship endured for, like, four months of this girl going back and forth between dumping him and wanting him back as soon as he was with me, and he'd always go back.

All of his friends and family started treating me like 'the other girl,' and I'd be constantly told how much cooler his on-again-off-again ex was. It was one of the most emotionally abusive rides I've ever been through, and at the end of it, he and his friends called me an abusive psychopath for just wanting him to admit what he did. He knew I was naive and that I liked him and that I was vulnerable after coming out of a previous abusive relationship. I did it because I had no self-esteem, and I wanted him to care about me. Manipulative people feed on that."

"I use that memory as a wake-up reminder that I should value myself more and not fall for douches like him...even if I tend to be self-destructive toward myself, I will never go that path hopefully again."

"I don't feel the need to go into too much detail here, but the sex is great; it's passionate, we have great chemistry together, and we are both understanding and good at communicating what we want/don't want.

She has made it very clear she doesn't want a relationship, and while I have respected that, it still hasn't prevented me from catching some pretty heavy feelings. Toward the end of last year, I was getting rather delusional and caught up in my feelings for her. After the semester ended and we went to our respective hometowns, she pretty much put me in her back pocket and, for the most part, ignored me. That hit me really fucking hard, and most of the summer was quite painful. 

Now that we're back at school we've hung out and hooked up once or twice. I don't know what to do. I hate feeling like I'm wasting my time because I have such strong feelings for her, yet I want someone who wants me for me instead of just for sex.

So, to be quite honest, I'm the side guy because I have needs, too; couple that with a desire for affection that I'm not getting anywhere else. I power through the heartbreak because it's better to feel something than nothing at all."

"Then he took me to his family's Thanksgiving because I couldn't go home for mine, and afterward, we realized there might be feelings. He and his girlfriend were in a long-distance relationship and had been together since high school. I think for him it was a chance for one last hoorah before he married her. For me, I just really liked him.

Almost three years later, I still feel terribly guilty about it. It was wrong. He and I were both wrong, even though she never found out, unless he told her after it was over."

"I asked her if she needed a ride. She obliged. Halfway to her place, she asked if she could come hang out at my place instead. I had no intention of doing what we did; I just wanted her not to have to deal with her guy. We began to have a side fling. I was really super into her. Bought gifts for her and always kept an eye on her at the bar. Probably some of the best sex I've had to date. But eventually it died off, she did manage to dump his ass. So I'm actually happy for her. Honestly, don't feel bad about it either."

"Yes, I’d thought about what he’s doing to her. Yes, I know that my sleeping with him enabled terrible behavior, so I’m guilty by proxy. But I never told her. If you’re going to cheat on your S.O., it’s your job to own up to it or clear the air."

"I believe in being a good human. I know right from wrong. If participating in an affair damns a person and morally condemns them for the rest of their life, it was still fucking worth it."

Responses have been edited for length/clarity.