I’ve never seen a kiwi described in that way, and now I’m scared.

As a Resident Writer here at BuzzFeed, I cover topics like politics, weird history, tech, trending viral stories, and other various corners of the internet.

Editor's Note: While we can't endorse what X has become, we can bring you the fun moments that still exist there, curated and free of the surrounding chaos.

“THIS ISN’T MY F—KING KID BRO”: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry, But I Simply CANNOT Stop Laughing At These Absolutely Hilarious Fails From Last Week

“He...Then Informed Me That I’m 39”: Sorry, But I Simply CANNOT Stop Laughing At These Hilarious Fails From Last Week, No Matter How Hard I Try

“I’m Bleeding In A Waiting Room WHILE COMPLETELY ORANGE”: Look, I’m REALLY Sorry, But It’s Impossible For Me To Stop Laughing At These 39 Hilarious Fails From Last Week