Hi, I’m Dave, author of all those articles your aunt sent you that you may or may not have clicked on.These include: the most-read post in BuzzFeed history, this ode to grocery store music, the new and improved high school GED test, and this stunning exposé.

Legend has it he shot and killed a Confederate colonel instead of surrendering. 

He was caught in 1957 and later declared legally insane.

She was nine weeks old when the ship sank.

Okay... maybe the portrait painter didn't do him dirty after all. Don't inbreed, folks.

He stood 30 inches tall, and, we can safely assume, was one heck of a dancer.

Thornton actually ran a successful modeling agency after all this.

He was caught shortly after and hanged in July 1865. Seward survived.

She lived through the French Revolution, the Napoleonic Wars, the American Civil War, the Industrial Revolution, and World War I.

Her shirt reads "I LIKE SHORT PEOPLE. I HAD THREE FOR BREAKFAST." Sandy once (jokingly) stated she would never date a man shorter than her.

Spiers was broke and needed to figure out a way home to his family, so he did what any person would have done: he posted himself.

The journey took over two days. Spiers stuffed himself in the box with some "tinned food, a torch, a blanket and a pillow, plus two plastic bottles - one for water, one for urine." You can read more about the whole ordeal here.

She was committed to a psychiatric hospital at the age of 40, where she spent the rest of her life following a series of personal scandals.

How many people can say they have a golden statue modeled after them?

You can see she’s wearing a full-length dress, typical of women’s tennis attire at the time.

She could also probably whoop your butt.

It was taken in New York City and involved a 65-second exposure.

To her left are Miss Hong-Kong and Miss Hawaii and to her right are Miss Germany and Miss Greece.

Honestly, I didn't really have a reason to add this picture. I just thought the framing with the gigantic lamp was funny.

He would do this twice a day, usually. Me, personally? I like to brush my teeth twice a day. Believe it or not, Frank lived to 81.

He set numerous world records, some even apparently lasting until the 21st century.

She apparently ate two pounds of chocolate a week and smoked until age 119, passing away at age 122. Of course, like any story of a super old person, there's some controversy. Read more here.

Of course, like any story of a super old person, there's some controversy. Read more here.

He's pictured here wearing a necklace of Tutankhamun's. 

You can see some dudes carrying some stuff out of there.

You can look up his crimes if you really want to know them. He received a 30-year sentence in 1971 and was released in 1991.

Fun fact: the bikini was named after Bikini Atoll, the place where a whole bunch of nuclear tests just took place around the invention of the garment.

According to the Strand Magazine, he loved to play the violin and make others laugh.

And, actually, they're not a couple. It's the artist's sister and his dentist.

She would later regret creating the holiday, citing rapant "commercialization" that was ruining the once special day.

Swole folks all over the world, light a candle for Georgy boy.

He weighed over 700 pounds. Legend has it he once fought off a bear single-handedly. I'm serious.

On Feb. 4, 1912, he gave it a go. It did not deploy.